Recently, I was asked by a person dear to me to join them at a concert. Knowing the concert wouldn’t be God-focused, I looked up the artists on Google and YouTube. Of the three, one seemed quite offensive, but the other two had a mix of good and bad.

After much prayer, I decided to go. My primary motivation wasn’t the music, but spending time with the person in question. I learned there were places within the venue that I could choose to “hide” if needed and made a point of learning a couple of the better songs so that I could participate in a way that wouldn’t compromise my beliefs. Then, I continued to pray.

The night of the event, I was pleased to discover that my seat, kind of off to the side, faced much of the audience as well as the stage. In other words, I could choose which I looked at. When songs and dialog contradicted my beliefs, rather than focusing on that, I gazed at the people in attendance and prayed for them. Every one of them, I knew, was a person created by God whether that person realized it or acknowledged it, and I’m assuming most did not. But I knew they all had potential to be drawn by the Holy Spirit.

At the end of the evening, I felt that I had done what God wanted me to do. He’d had me in that place to pray for the lost, the wounded, the confused, the hopeless, and pray that they would be found, healed, enlightened, and given the hope that never fails. He’d also given me that peace and grace so that I could be present for my companion.

Did I ever say I agreed with the sentiments that were ungodly? No. When asked, I expressed my view based on Scripture. But my goal wasn’t confrontation. And I have no idea if any of the prayers will bear fruit.

The point is they could.

If you were to look at the audience I prayed for, some might say that this person or that was too strange, too sinful.

But God saved King Manasseh. I can’t think of anyone in the entire Bible who was as evil as the son of Hezekiah.

And God saved him.

God saved Paul who, based on his zeal and actions, would’ve personally killed Christ if he’d been able to. Paul knew this of himself which is why he called himself the chief of sinners.

If you read all my stories and novels, this is one of the themes that you would see recur. Because this is one of my passions. This side of death, I don’t think you can write off anyone based on appearance alone. Not even a persistently sinful lifestyle is a guarantee that the one you’re talking to will go to hell. And hopefully, the reason you’re talking is because you see that individual as God’s creation, as an eternal soul with the potential to choose to repent.

I pray now, as I prayed that night, that at least one person in that audience feels the conviction of the Holy Spirit and starts seeking. Maybe they were already seeking that night and feeling unsettled by some of the unholy attitudes and opinions. I don’t know.

What I do know is the God who reached out to Manasseh and to Paul, and to me who hated Him and blasphemed Him as a teenager, is completely capable of drawing anyone to Himself.

Therefore, that theme will continue to run through what I write.

“The Grumpy Chronicles,” my winning entry in the book Out of the Storm, also touches on this theme. Therefore, this week’s winner (chosen from the last 3 weeks) wins a copy of that book with all its short stories. Kathryn, let me know if you want a paperback or ebook copy!

The day I’m posting this piece marks eight years since my mother passed away. Eight years. It both feels infinitely longer and just yesterday. I still can’t believe her presence is not upon this spinning globe.

Since her last words to me were, “I just want to be with Jesus,” I trust she’s in His presence right now. And while the sting of her loss has ebbed, there’s still a hole in my day to day where she should be.

This week I’ve been transcribing a little play that she and her sister Nancy wrote sometime in the late forties. I deduce that because Nancy was in high school, but it doesn’t say Mom was. It was written in neat cursive in pencil and is faded quite a bit. Sometimes I have to train my phone’s flashlight on it to make out a word or two. Their play, a retelling of Cinderella, exudes with youthful hopefulness. You can tell they both had lovely dreams about what their future might become. And no clue of the hardships in store, especially for Nancy.

Feeling their aspirations and creativity up close has made me miss Mom a bit more this week. I can’t ask her what they did with the play, if anything, or why they decided to write it. I can imagine the two of them on the porch if nice weather or tucked in their room, if not, heads leaned together, pondering the page and who would do what next. One thing that intrigued me was their erasure of the Fairy Godmother as a character. Why did they initially think she should be included in their “modernized” version and then take her out before they finished the second page? I also found it interesting that they scratched out deletions instead of erasing them. If they had erased them, I never would have known that the Fairy Godmother had even been considered!

Because of this activity, because of the anniversary, because of the weather, because of pain, and more, grief has resurfaced. It does that. It’s never a one and done emotion. It comes back in cycles.

This world, because of the fall, has many griefs. Beyond losing someone or something we love (thinking pets on that second half), we can lose seasons or lament the lack of a keepsake that had value to us. We can grieve changing relationships, aging bodies, or failed dreams. Thankfully, we have a savior who understands all that.

He was despised and rejected by men,
    a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief;
and as one from whom men hide their faces
    he was despised, and we esteemed him not. (Isaiah 53:3, ESV)

Because Scripture mentions the joy Jesus experienced, I imagine he laughed. The Bible never says that directly though. It does explicitly tell us that he cried.

There’s something about having a friend who weeps with us. As long as Job’s friends sat and mourned with him, they were acting in a godly manner. It was when they began to try and imagine God’s reasons for allowing the suffering into Job’s life that they messed up. We’re nowhere close enough on the cosmic, mental, logical or any other scale to God to understand Him. We are creations, after all! Trying to analyze the mind of our Creator is foolishness.

But through his tears, through his shared grief at our predicament, we can get to know Him.

The next verse in Isaiah goes on to say:

Surely he has borne our griefs
    and carried our sorrows;
yet we esteemed him stricken,
    smitten by God, and afflicted.

When grief descends, looking to the cross reminds us that sorrow has an end date. Jesus’ immense love declared it is finished. And one day, we will live in His perfect world where tears will be no more.

Beginning next week, I will step away from the -ing posts for a while and do a series about my favorite story themes and why I write tales with those messages. And, of course, there will be some prizes!

Sometimes, life throws things at us good and bad faster than we can deal. The event or the situation may have completely finished, but the brain is stuck in the loading phase.

September, for me, has been like that.

I accepted a new position at work, I taught an online writers’ workshop for a group of people I’d never met, fulfilled some writing and church obligations, (one more to come this weekend…) and attended an online writers conference last weekend. Part of that conference was a writing contest, for which I was notified in July that I was a finalist. The top prize was publication of the entry.

Winning the top prize would’ve made the answer to the question, “What do I do with this quirky fairy tale novel that I wrote that I love?” much easier.

But then, I also have friends and family suffering various trials and pains that makes my heart shout “why” and cloud my vision of the present.

Add the topping of my own random pain. I’m going to physical therapy for it, but you go down the google and AI rabbit trail and some of the symptoms and treatments and it looks like it might never go away unless I invest in some costly treatments.

A man's steps are from the Lord; how then can man understand his way? (Proverbs 20:24, ESV)  

For when dreams increase and words grow many, there is vanity; but God is the one you must fear. (Ecc. 5:7, ESV)

Ponder the path of your feet; then all your ways will be sure. (Proverbs 4:26)

One of the problems of being human is our linear nature. I can only perceive the moment I breathe in. But sometimes, that moment doesn’t seem to make sense. I’m trying to be obedient to God and walk in His ways. But my omniscient quota is zero. I have no idea what lies ahead and if the steps I’ve taken lead to good or evil. Because even someone who tries to do everything right (I wish I was better at that), can wander into evil because of the fallen world.

When the future ahead looks foggy, and the past confuses me, what do I do?

Oswald Chambers said, “Trust God, and do the next thing.”

Sometimes the next thing is obvious. Other times, it could be any number of options that all seem good and godly. Still, other times, there’s no direction you can sense for the next movement. Maybe it’s because you need to rest in God for a bit. Or maybe, like me, you’re processing the abundance of life.

Perhaps processing means resting in God. But I feel awfully busy and tired for someone who’s resting! And my brain keeps spinning trying to make sense of it all. I can almost see the word “Loading” on my forehead.

Part of my issue, and I know it, is I try to seize the future before it’s here and plan how I will handle this or that. To an extent, that’s good. It keeps me motivated and thinking. But it also fills my brain with extra clutter.

Maybe my very cluttered mind is part of why I’m obsessed about getting rid of things in the house. Perhaps if the home was simpler, my thoughts would be as well. But in the meantime, that’s another tangent that delays mental processing.

 For we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body. (James 3:2, ESV) 

Regarding that contest I mentioned earlier, I both won and didn’t. I won best fantasy, but didn’t win the publishing contract. Another ‘where do I go from here’ question.

As of now, October has less on its schedule. Perhaps, I can use some of that downtime to let my mind catch up.

But until then, I will, as Mr. Chambers recommended, just keep doing the next good thing.