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Tales of Fantasy, Mystery and Adventure Under the Influence of Christian Homeschooling

S. A. J. Lyttek, a multiple award-winning writer, always loved writing, but didn’t arrive at the profession in the typical manner. After college and graduate school, she plunged into government consulting. In this environment, she discovered a knack for writing tests, interviews and other measurements. That soon became the focus of her career—reigniting her love for the written word. Thus captivated, she spent evenings freelancing “fun” writing including short stories, poems, articles and cards. When her eldest was a toddler, she quit full-time work to stay home and write. Eager to spend more time with her children, homeschooling intrigued her. From preschool through high school, she homeschooled both sons while continuing to freelance. An integral part of the homeschooling community, she has developed and taught writing classes to a generation of homeschoolers. Married to her childhood sweetheart, Gary, Mrs. Lyttek loves to share her commitment to homeschoolers and her fascination with the written word.

I Don't Wanna!

6/3/2020 6:27:00 AM BY Susan Lyttek

By now, I assumed, I would be grown up and responsible.

But no.

When I was a child, my temper tantrums were stuff of legend. I would throw things, pound stuff and throw myself on the floor. Or at least I would do as much of any of those activities that I could until one or both of my parents lifted me to my feet and shuttled me to my room. “Stay here until you learn how to behave.”

I stayed. But not necessarily until I learned how to behave. I stayed until I was willing to temporarily behave in order to have something else I wanted---be it food, company or a favorite toy.

As I grew up, my temper tantrums continued, but they took on a slightly less violent nature. I would slam the door and go for a long walk as a teen, for instance.

There were still times where the anger and irritation got so intense that I was convinced that I would do myself or someone else serious harm.

When I committed my life to Jesus, a level of the selfish anger went away. It was like removing a layer of cancer or an ugly bubbling varnish on a piece of furniture. The relief was amazing and I assumed God would take away the other levels of anger and selfishness over time.

But no.

For whatever reason, they are mine to deal with. Some days, I see them for what they are, echoes of the Fall and my old nature, and ignore them or chastise them. Other days, I fall for the lies hook, line and sinker. I want what I want. I don’t wanna do what I don’t wanna do!

The “I don’t wanna” has always been strong in me. You tell me something has got to be done in way A and I will try other things until I can prove to you that it can be done way X instead.

That stubborn, rebellious streak has on occasion served me well. I have never been one to follow the crowd—at least not for long. There always comes a point where someone tells me to do something that sounds unpleasant, unsavory or just wrong and my rebel shouts ‘no!’ That stubbornness has also allowed me to be creative. Some times it won’t let me give up until I try something new whether in words or deeds.

But lately, stuck inside and with limited diversions, my I don’t wanna is shouting. Why? Because it just wants to veg and exist. It does not want to act like a responsible adult. Nope. And why not? Because if things are crazy, then why act normal? Why not be lazy and irresponsible? Why should I even try?

Why indeed.

Nothing and I mean nothing about any of the recent events has taken God by surprise. He did not give advice and commands in the Bible for when we feel like it, for when life is normal. In fact, you could summarize some of Scripture to say that ‘normal’ life is abnormal. But we are to choose each day who we will serve. I can serve my ‘I don’t wanna’ and get nothing done and help no one. Or I can choose to serve God and follow the steps he has set for me each day.

When I choose God, the ‘I don’t wanna’ still yells often. It doesn’t just sit on the sideline and learn to behave anymore than sitting in my room changed my attitude as a child. But inclining my inner ear to God means that over the course of the day, his voice gets louder and the ‘I don’t wanna’ fades. Does it go away entirely? No.

So today, I have a choice which voice I angle towards. And that helps.